


Hear you me

by Daisyapples



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent Friendship, Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Alternate Universe - A Cinderella Story (2004) Fusion, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Greenmantle is his own warning, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, M/M, Mutual Pining, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Slow Burn, Texting, pynch freeform, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:35:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22533343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisyapples/pseuds/Daisyapples
Summary: Adam met Nomad on an Aglionby forum, and they've been texting ever since. He doesn't know who he is, but when they meet at a Halloween dance, and he finds out that it's Ronan Lynch, Aglionby's star striker and resident bad boy, he runs.Only Ronan's not ready to let go of Harvardboy, the one person who seems to understand him as an artist, not a soccer player, who seems to understand his grief and make the world more bearable, whose allowed some light back into his darkened world.Will Adam be brave enough to face down his stepfather Colin Greenmantle, and his evil stepbrothers, Kavinsky and Tad, to be with the boy he's slowly falling in love with?
Relationships: Noah Czerny/Henry Cheng, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 172
Kudos: 273





	1. I think we should meet

**Author's Note:**

> Guys! I am so excited for this fic! 
> 
> It won't be weekly updates, probably bi-weekly, but maybe tri-weekly. I've never left a fic unfinished though so subscribe if you're interested and I'll get it done as quickly as my brain and college works allows :) 
> 
> I really, really hope you like it. Any feedback, comments or kudos are always appreciated <3

Adam was small for a ten year old. 

He knew that because the other boys at school laughed at him and always picked him last for soccer. He knew because his dad shouted it at him all the time like he could bully Adam into growing more. He wanted to grow more. He really did, but there was never enough food, and he was always hungry. 

Except when he went to see his mom in the diner and Persephone snuck him extra chips and milkshakes and once a burger with extra pickle. On his birthday last year, they'd even made him his own cake and he only had to share it with Blue. 

Blue was his best friend, and even though she was a girl, he still liked her because she fought better than anyone else, and made her own clothes, and once she gave him her old Gameboy because she got a new one. His dad broke it in a rage a week later but it was still brilliant while he had it. 

His dad was currently in a rage, shouting at his mam because she had to do a double to cover bills, and Robert had come home to no dinner. Adam was curled up in his bed, tiny body attempting to be even smaller under the thin blankets. The shouting stopped for long enough that Adam slowly unwound himself and stretched out his achy legs. 

"Adam, baby, are you awake?"

He peeked out from under his covers and stared up at his mam. Her eyes were puffy and a bruise darkened one of her cheekbones. "Mommy, are you okay?"

"I'm good, baby." She brushed his fringe off his forehead, cupping his check with her rough hand. "Do you want me to read you a story?"

"The fairytale book?"

"You love that one, don't you?"

He shrugged under the covers. "They always have happy endings."

"Evil dragons get slayed, right?"

He nodded. 

"Remember, baby, this book-" she tapped the heavy cover, thick with detailed drawings of the stories inside. "-contains all the important things that you may need to know later on in life, okay? Keep it close."

"Will you read…" He trailed off when the trailer suddenly started shaking; giant shuddering jolts that knocked him into his mother's arms. "Mommy?"

"Under the bed, sweetie. Get under the bed and hide, okay?" 

He nodded, crawling under the small, cramped space while the world shook around him. 

"JULIE! GET IN HERE!"

"I'll be right back, baby."

"Mommy, no. Please." 

"I'll be right back. I promise." She grabbed her hand away and ran from the room. "Robert?"

The earthquake seemed to go on forever, a violent, jolting scream that shook the bones and his muscles, made his head ache and tears fall. 

Then just as suddenly, silence.

It took them two days to dig him out. 

***

_eight years later_

***

Adam dreamt of screaming and the world falling apart around him. He dreamt of small spaces coated in black and the sound of sirens. 

He dreamt of his mother's voice. 

He woke with a start and groaned from his desk where he'd fallen asleep in the middle of doing his homework. Again. He wiped his hand down his face, glancing at the clock. 

Four thirty am. 

He was due at the diner in a half an hour. 

Packing up his school bag, grabbing his essay from the printer, he ran downstairs, praying no one else was up. He skidded to a halt in the kitchen where Colin Greenmantle, his stepfather, was reading the business section and drinking coffee. 

He was the only man Adam knew who still got a paper newspaper delivered every day. 

"Adam, where are you going so early?"

"Work, sir."

Greenmantle nodded. "School work done? Because you're not going to get into Harvard without perfect grades."

"It's done, sir." Adam stood rigid, back straight and arms clasped behind him. "I'll be home late because I've after school tutoring and then work again." 

"Joseph has scouts at his game on Friday and Tad started his internship at the senators office yesterday." His long fingers tapped the marble counter, belying the calm way he spoke. "You're wasting time at the diner. You should quit and spent more time on your extracurriculars." He took a sip of coffee. "You're not smart enough for Harvard, and even if by some miracle you manage to get in, I'm not paying for it. I already covered your private school costs. A scholarship is your only hope."

"Yes, sir." He knew better than to show any emotion. Greenmantle saw himself as a businessman first, and a father rarely. They were his investments and he wanted returns. Not love, or any other emotion. "It's just the diner shows good work ethic on my applications." 

Panic surged in Adam's chest at the thought of quitting the diner and not being able to see Muara, Calla, Persephone and Blue. It was hard enough not seeing Blue everyday in school since he'd transferred to Aglionby. He knew it was the right decision since it would help him get into Harvard, and when Greenmantle had agreed to pay in some weird moment of generosity, Adam thought maybe his luck was improving. Turned out he just wanted another thing to hang over Adam's head. Adam should've known the good deed didn't come without strings attached. 

"I better go, or I'll be late."

Greenmantle was already looking back at his newspaper. Adam went to leave the kitchen, hunched over to make himself a smaller target. 

"Oh, and Adam?"

Tension tightened his shoulders. "Yes, sir?"

"Try not to be the loser of the family today, okay, son?"

"Yes, sir."

Greenmantle waved his hand in dismissal. "You can go."

Adam nodded, phone buzzing in his pocket. "Thank you, sir. Have a good day."

He waited until he was in his craptastic car before checking his message, grinning when he saw the name Nomad on screen. 

"I know you have a morning shift so this is my fuck you, good morning, hope your day isn't sucky, wish you'd tell me where you work so I could come annoy you text."

Adam smiled down at his phone. "Why are you even up?"

The three dots appeared and disappeared for a few minutes before a reply finally came through.

"Fucking usual."

Adam surmised that meant nightmares. Nomad had admitted once in the middle of the night, in an obvious moment of weakness, that he suffered insomnia and bad dreams. Something about the confession had warmed parts of Adam he didn't know were cold. 

"Going to school today?"

It took Nomad so long to reply, Adam had driven to work and was pulling on his apron by the time his phone vibrated. 

"If I do, will you come meet me at lunch?"

The thud of his heart seemed loud in his ears. "Not today. I've a college counselling session at break. But you should go to school anyway."

"Go to work, Harvardboy. I should grab some sleep."

Adam smiled as he tucked his phone into the pocket of his apron, and grabbed the grey basin from the kitchen, waving at Calla as he went by. 

"Busy this morning, kid. Try to keep up." 

He smiled and saluted, her laugh following him. He stalled at the door when he saw Joseph Kavinsky, his stepbrother, with Ronan Lynch and Prokopenko sitting at a table near the window. 

"I should've warned you the snake was here," Calla said, coming to stand beside him. "Ignore him and the monster."

"Kavinsky has scouts coming to his next match."

She snorted. "Who'd Greenmantle bribe to get that to happen?"

"Probably the same person he bribed to get him a clean drug test."

She huffed in agreement. 

He sighed. "I better start." 

Morning shifts were easy; two and a half hours of clearing tables, wiping counters and sweeping the floor. Today just had the added bonus of avoiding his evil stepbrother and his horrible friends. 

"Hey, diner boy. Clear these dishes would you?"

Adam was glad his back was turned when he heard Kavinsky's voice because it meant he was free to roll his eyes as much as he wanted. Still, he grabbed his basin and smiling at Muara's annoyed expression, he went over to the table and started picking up plates, balled up napkins and crinkled straws. 

He could feel their eyes watching him so he said, "Greenmantle said scouts were coming to your match."

"Yeah because I'm hot shit."

Lynch snorted into his coffee, glanced up at Adam with blue eyes like deep glacial pools, and smirked. "Yeah man, you're just so fucking talented. It has nothing to do with your daddy's money."

Adam hid his grin by busying himself with the dishes. 

"Least I have a fucking dad, Lynch."

"Fuck you, K." Lynch slammed from his seat, and stormed from the diner, slamming the door on the way out. 

Adam had always thought there was a poetic beauty to how Ronan Lynch moved through the world like he was trying to reign down destruction with every gesture. Considering the rumours about his family, it made sense Lynch would want to end the world. 

"Such a fucking drama queen." K said, dragging Adam's attention away from the door. He blinked at Adam through hooded eyelids and smiled his bitter grin. "More coffee, diner boy? Don't wanna piss off dad's favourite, do you?"

Persephone appeared from nowhere and filled Kavinsky's cup. "Don't forget how long life really is, dear," she said in her usual whispery voice. "And don't forget how easy it is to get banned from an establishment if you treat the workers poorly." She wandered off in a cloud of hair and distracted impermanence, filling up cups as she went. 

"Fucking weirdo," Prokopenko said.

Adam was vindicated to see he had whispered it though. Nino's was the only all night diner in town. No one wanted to be banned. He glanced up at the clock and grimaced, needing to get to school. Passing the basin to Maura, he threw his apron off, grabbed his bag from behind the counter and rushed back to his car. 

When he checked his phone he had two messages, one from Blue and one from Nomad. 

Blues' was a simple, _see you after school_.

Nomads' was the answer he hadn't given earlier, _nah, man. I won't be in school today_.

***

Adam didn't really remember much about the days after the earthquake. He was pretty sure Persephone had sat with him during the long hours of the night. Even though, visiting hours definitely ended at eight. He thought he maybe remembered an argument outside his room and Calla yelling something about family. He remembered his first meeting with Greenmantle, and his then wife Piper who had left him soon after, refusing to live in such a crappy, little, provisional town. 

He knew he didn't want to go with them and had cried the whole way back to their home. He remembered meeting Tad and K whose parents had also died in the Earthquake. Neither of them seemed to mind being there. 

It was only years later Adam realised that Greenmantle had bribed his way into having three sons and that it wasn't out of the kindness of his heart. Each of them were already excelling; Adam in school, K at soccer and Tad at politics. Only ten and he'd already won class president. He wanted returns on his investments and he made sure they knew how much they were already in his debt. 

All Adam had left of his mother was a book of fairytales that he hadn't opened in eight years. 

***

School was tough but satisfying. 

Lynch wasn't in his Latin class which Adam told himself he didn't notice, because he knew he spent too much time noticing the star striker of the football team, who was also a BMW driver, a tattoo haver, and the angst driven, and almost certainly straight, best friend of Gansey, king of the school and rowing champion.

Adam did not mix in their circles. 

To be honest, he didn't mix in any circles in Aglionby. He went to school, absorbed knowledge like a sponge and then had a few blissful hours with his real family before he went back to Greenmantle's house. 

Sometimes when it was late at night, and he was in the space between sleep and wakefulness, he let himself imagine what he would've been like to grow up with Persephone and Maura and Calla as his mothers, and Blue as his sister, and 300 Fox Way as his home. 

He tried not to do it too often. 

He feared sometimes he would crack under the _want_ of it. 

***

When the final bell rang, and his two hours were done in the tutor centre, he rushed to his locker and checked his phone. Three messages from Nomad had Adam grinning into his books. 

"Should've gone to school. It's gotta be less boring than this."

"You left your phone in your locker again, didn't you?"

"Fine. Go learn things. I'll just entertain myself."

The last message was accompanied by a picture; a half empty canvas covered in a thick forest, seeped in golds and greens and dark shadows. Nomad wanted to be a painter but his family disapproved. He'd once told Adam he wanted to pull things from his fucked up dreams, but the paintings he showed to Adam were always beautiful and heart-rending. 

He and Nomad had agreed after meeting on an Aglionby forum that they wouldn't exchange personal details. Even after they grew closer, and exchanged numbers, they kept that promise. 

Sometimes, Adam was so desperate to know who Nomad was, he wanted to beg him to reveal the truth, but mostly he was glad of this one place he could be totally himself without the expectations of the past and the fear of the future. This one person liked him because of who he was. Not because of his straight A's, or because his mam had worked with them, or because his stepfather was one of the most powerful in Henrietta. 

Shrugging away the doubts, he closed his locker and started down the corridor. Adam like the school like this; the corridors were dim in the evening light, and silent. No spoiled boys racing into the future, fearless and rich. He knew they looked at him the same, but his tiny attic bedroom, and the money Greenmantle claimed Adam owed him in lodgings and care-given, meant before he'd even started, Adam was wildly in debt. 

It hung around his neck every day. Only his meagre savings gave him scant relief. He was about to reply to Nomad when someone shouted his name. 

"Parrish. Adam." Noah grinned, waving down the dim corridor. "Hey, man."

Adam smiled in return but his heart fell at the sight of Richard Gansey the third and Ronan Lynch accompanying him. Lynch had clearly just finished soccer training if the white shorts, jersey and sweat was anything to go by. Adam dragged his eyes away from him, hating the heat climbing his neck. Lynch always looked like someone just out of reach of everyday life with his shaved head, vicious cheekbones and tattoo crawling his neck like a dagger. 

"Hey, Noah."

Noah pounded up and walked down the corridor with Adam. Gansey and Lynch trailed behind them. "You just finished tutoring? I was finishing a painting." He held up hands covered in green paint. 

Adam's heart thumped. "What were you painting?" 

"Aliens." Noah laughed. "Lynch is…"

"Shut the fuck up, Noah. No one wants to hear it." 

Adam glanced back at him. 

"What, Parrish? Something on my face?" 

"Ronan," Gansey warned. "Hey, Adam. How did you find the Latin homework last night?" 

Adam shrugged. "Doable." They'd reached the carpark, much to Adam relief. He pointed at his car and shrugged. "I'll see you later, Noah." He nodded goodbye at the other two and went to turn away. 

"Adam, are you working tonight?"

He stiffened at Gansey's question. "Why?"

"He's wondering if your girlfriend is working as well," Lynch drawled, leaning against his BMW parked opposite Adam's car. With his arms crossed, his biceps seemed to stretch the material of his jersey. 

Adam swallowed and glanced at Gansey. "My girlfriend?"

"Blue," Noah informed him helpfully, practically bouncing on his toes. "The small, spiky one that I want to be best friends with."

"She's not my girlfriend." If he hadn't been watching Lynch, he wouldn't have noticed how some tension eased in his shoulders at the words. "She's basically my sister."

"Oh. So you think she'd mind if I asked her…" Gansey trailed off. 

"Not while she's working. Not when… I don't know, man." Adam was suddenly widely uncomfortable talking about Blue with these boys. Especially knowing her two rules; stay away from boys, because they're trouble, and stay away from raven boys, because they're bastards.

Adam was just glad those rules didn't seem to apply to him.

"C'mon, Dick. Let's leave diner boy alone."

"Ronan," Gansey replied, sounding horrified.

Adam didn't mind though; there was something about the curl of Ronan's lips that made him feel like they were sharing a secret instead of an insult. "It's fine, Gansey. I'm wouldn't expect Lynch to know much about anything considering the amount of soccer balls he's taken to the head."

The smile grew into a harsh shape that threatened war. "I'm going. Might see you at the diner, Parrish."

"Yeah, you might, Lynch."

Noah looked between the two of them a grin. "I'm riding with Ronan." 

Gansey rolled his eyes and waved. "See you in Latin, Adam."

He climbed into his car, sitting in the dark until both cars had left him alone again. He pulled out his phone again. Another message from Nomad arrived even as he was holding it.

"I know what we agreed but I think it's probably time. Halloween dance. Eleven. Centre of the dancefloor. Meet me there?"


	2. At the stroke of midnight, the spell will be broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support so far!! Really glad you're all enjoying it <3

Adam sat in the car outside of the diner long after he should've been working, staring at his phone. He hadn't replied, and even as he stared, the three dots appeared and disappeared a couple of times. No message appeared though.

Sucking in a deep breath, he started typing. "I have to check if I'm working. I have to... I'll check."

He hit send and turned off his phone, hating how his fingers trembled. Swinging open the door to the diner, he allowed the familiar din and smell calm his heartbeat. The diner was a collaboration of the three women who owned it; the walls were blue, covered in images of tarots cards and a huge sign hung above the counter, reading _psychic readings_ , the floor was navy and white, the roof layered in twinkling lights. A signed picture of Steve Martin hung by the cash register. 

He'd been coming here his whole life and nothing about it had ever changed. 

Except maybe the different women who came and went, along with their children who played in the corner area.

Blue grinned as he walked over to her. ”You might as well sit down, you know they won’t let you start without eating.”

“What are you working on?” He asked as he slid in opposite her. The diner was mostly empty; the music was slow and folksy, so Maura had chosen it, the dark counters and shining metal calming the beat of Adam’s heart. The navy floor reflected the fluorescent light making it bounce off the windows, making the outside world disappear. Without letting her answer, he blurted out, “Nomad wants to meet.”

She frowned up from what he could now see was her math homework. “Excuse me? Here look this over while you tell me everything.” She shifted her work over to him and stared as he glanced over it. “Well?”

“Just let me-” he corrected one mistake and slid it back. “We were texting like usual and he just sort of asked me. I don't know where it came from.”

“Well, are you going to?” She huffed at the mistake and redid the sum. Feathers were pinned into her hair and she had to keep blowing them out of her eyes. 

“I don’t know. He suggested the Halloween dance and Greenmantle has a strict no dance policies for me.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m aware. Still don’t know why Tad and K still get to go.”

“I’m the smart one. I have to get perfect grades.” He glanced around the half-empty restaurant, smiling at the only place he considered home. “It's a miracle I’m still allowed to work here.”

Blue gripped his wrist suddenly. “You’re not quitting.”

“Didn’t know you cared.”

“She doesn’t,” Calla interrupted, putting a plate in front of each of them. “She’s just worried she’d have to pick up more shifts.”

Blue rolled her eyes but the effect was lost when she bit into the pot-pie Calla delivered. “I resent that accusation,” she said when her mouth was empty. “And I think you should meet him.”

“The boy who's been sending you love notes?”

Adam rolled his eyes at Calla. “They’re not love notes.”

“Sure, they’re not. Eat your food. Tables aren’t gonna clear themselves.”

Adam nodded and bit into the cheeseburger, almost groaning at how good it tasted. He hadn't eaten today. Greenmantle's fatherly care didn't extend to food. Except for K when he was in training and Tad because his internship didn't pay. Come to think about it, and Adam tried very hard not to, he was the only one made to _contribute_. 

Between _paying his fair share_ and petrol and school supplies, food usually ended up low on his list. 

"So are you going to go?"

"I'll think about it." He tapped his fingers on the counter. "I have until Friday anyway."

Blue stole a fry and grinned around it. "You work every Friday anyway. Bet mom will let you have it off and then you can go."

He grimaced. 

"I'll go with you."

"As my date?"

It was her turn to grimace, making him laugh. "As moral support."

"You'll be surrounded by boys. Aglionby boys."

She shrugged and the many chains around her neck tinkled like fine china. "You're my best friend."

"Thanks, Blue."

"Shut up and go away. I've got to finish this before my shift starts." 

Adam finished the last of his food, shoving a few fries Blues' way, and got to work. 

***  
Friday morning arrived and Adam still hadn't made a decision. 

Greenmantle watched as Adam shoved his cheap cereal into his mouth as quickly as possible, sipping his imported coffee while Adam drank supermarket own brand. He knew something was coming, could see it in the crinkle of his stepfather's eyebrows, but he hoped to be done and gone before he formulated the words. 

He struck as Adam was loading his dishes into the dishwasher. "The Halloween dance is tonight."

"Yes, sir." 

"You wouldn't be thinking if going, would you?"

Adam's phone buzzed in his pocket and Greenmantle's eyes shifted to it for a moment. His heart jumped into his throat. He hadn't demanded it in over a year, but sometimes, Greenmantle checked Adam's phone. For no reason. Except maybe as a show of power. 

Adam fought the urge to touch his pocket.

Everything was uploaded to his own private cloud, something he spent precious money on, but he hadn't cleared his texts in a while. Greenmantle allowed Blue and the others in his life, grudgingly, and Adam suspected only because previous attempts to get rid of them had failed, but he didn't encourage Adam to have friends. 

Not like Tad, who was expected to be class president four years running, or K, who'd been team captain for just as long. Adam's goal was a perfect GPA and acceptance letters from all the Ivy League colleges. He was just glad his and Greenmantle's goals aligned. 

Adam was going to get to college and escape this stupid house and this liar's family.

"Think I might call into the diner tonight." Greenmantle smirked. "See how they're treating you."

Adam's heart sank. "Yes, sir. Midnight would be best if you wanted to avoid the regulars."

Greenmantle hated the rift-raft of normal society, thinking he was above them all. "I think that would be best."

Privately Adam thought him and Piper were made for each other. "I'll see you at midnight, sir," he said, taking a step to the door but paused. "Can I go, sir?"

Greenmantle took a long sip of his coffee, watching Adam over the rim of his cup. 

He fought the urge to fidget. This was a test and he had no interest in failing. 

"Go away and make something of yourself."

"Yes, sir." 

It took all his concentration not to run from the room. 

***

“Not to be a-fucking-nnoying but am I gonna bother going to the dance in our shithole school or should I spent the night anywhere else?” 

Nomad followed the message with a picture of a painting. It was of a crowded, bustling room; the ceiling faded into a starry night and two men were prominent in the middle, looking at each other in the light of the north star, the other dancers fading into a blur of movement. It was all dim colors, layered with navy, reds and gold. 

Adam swallowed, overwhelmed. Nomad was his best friend after Blue. The thought of meeting him was terrifying. Adam knew he was nothing until he had succeeded. No one was interested in the story before the overnight success. He could meet Nomad and have him realise that this was just better left on the internet. 

He could meet Nomad and have completely misread the situation. 

Maybe the feelings he felt, the love he was sure was spreading across his heart like the roots on a forest floor, were misplaced. 

Aglionby was overwhelmingly heterosexual and masculine and not accepting. 

It had taken Adam a long time to realise he was bi; helped along by Ronan Lynch’s arms and that smirk he did in Latin every time he got an answer correct. Especially if he got an answer right that Adam had gotten wrong. It was Blue who pointed out that his annoyance was maybe something more. 

It took longer for him to be willing to accept it. 

And then Nomad came along and was so much more than nice arms and a smirk. 

Nomad was real and wonderful and Adam _ached_ for him. 

The phone buzzed again. “It’s okay if you’re not ready. I can wait.”

Adam swallowed back the sudden lump in his throat. “I’ll be there.” 

***  
He had nothing to wear and he text Blue as much. 

When he arrived at the diner that night, Persephone was waiting. 

“Blue mentioned you had no outfit for tonight.” She placed a gold box on the counter and pushed it gently towards him. “It's been in that box for so long, it deserves a night out.”

He opened the box with trembling hands. A delicate navy coat sat on top of silver trousers. There was a navy shirt, pinstriped in silver. A silver mask sat on top of it all, lined in black. Silver gloves lay beside it. When he held the mask to his face, it covered the top half of his face leaving only his mouth and jaw visible.  
Relief flooded him. “Persephone, thank you.”

“You are worth so much more than they tell you." She gripped his hand with slim but strong fingers. "Don’t forget that, Adam.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

***

Aglionby had been transformed. 

Strings of lights guided them down the hallway. Stars hung from the roof. Music reverberated over the floor, making the already small space more claustrophobic. He glanced over at Blue; she was dressed as Zorro, sword hanging at her side, black leggings and top covered with a swinging black cloak. A black bandanna covered her head. She walked with a confidence he found himself envious of. The thrum of his pulse was giving him a headache. Each step made his knees feel even weaker. There was an ache in his lungs from the sharpness of each breath. 

He shuddered to a halt. “I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can,” she said, stopping in front of him. She reached up and gripped his shoulders. “Adam, you are a good guy and you deserve a night out. Give me your phone and we can set an alarm. It’s almost eleven. C’mon.”

He nodded, handing her his phone. 

“Adam, don't worry, okay?” She typed in his passcode, and set the alarm, before handing it back. “Anyone would have to be completely insane not to like you, all right? And even if he only wants to be friends, that’ll be good too. Friends in high school are important.” She smirked. “I can’t be your only one.”

He huffed out a hopeless laugh. “Okay.” He nodded again. “Okay. Let’s go.”

The heat hit him as soon as they pushed the canteen door open. 

One more look at Blue, one more fix of his mask and he strode across the floor, pretending he was the same as the prince charming he was dressed up as. It took some time to squeeze through the crowded floor, stuffed with boys he recognised and their dates that he didn’t. The music was pumping; a wall of noise that made his head hurt. 

He stood under the disco ball that hadn’t been there at lunch earlier and tried hard not to crouch in on himself. There was a tap on his shoulder, and he reeled around, stumbling back.

Ronan Lynch stood in front of him, looking more unsure of himself than Adam had ever seen him. "Harvardboy?"


	3. Once upon a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support!! I really appreciate it <3

"Lynch? You're Nomad?"

Ronan shrugged. "Expecting someone a little less fucked up?"

Fuck. 

Even his prickly sarcasm was the same.

It was suddenly too loud; the music making him dizzy and the heat of pressing bodies making his heart rate spike. 

Nomad couldn't be Ronan Lynch. 

Ronan Lynch; striker for the soccer team, best friend of Gansey, friends with Kavinsky, night racer, and what, sensitive, articulate painter?

Breathless, Adam pushed his way from the floor, escaping into the quiet of the hallway. Only when he was safe in the shadows did he speak again. 

"You're Nomad?"

Ronan stood in front of him, looking exceptionally attractive in black eyeliner matching his all-black clothes. He scratched a fingernail along his buzzed head. "I guess my costume didn't do a very good job at hiding who I am." 

He was dressed similar to Blue; black shirt stretched over his broad chest, skinny black jeans tucked into heavy boots and the eyeliner that was making Adam feel tipsy. Spectacular black wings hung from his back. They were thick with dark feathers, and lined with gold, stretching the length of his body. 

Adam wanted to run his fingers over them and he curled his hands into fists to stop himself. "What are you?"

"A raven boy.” He smirked. “Get it?"

Adam barked out a watery laugh. "Fuck. You're such a asshole."

"Fucking thank you. No one else appreciated my level of commitment to the bit." He smiled the smirk he usually reserved for beating Adam to an answer in Latin. 

"Is this a joke?" He blurted out, waving a hand between them. "Has all of this been a joke?"

"No. Fuck." Ronan took a step forward. " Fucking honestly. It wasn't. It isn't."

He looked so sincere, but it didn't matter now. He was friends with K. Wasn't popular, was too angry for other people, but was known because of his talent on the field. He was the best friend of the most popular boy in school. Was friends with Noah who was friends with everyone. Even sarcastic losers like Adam. They could never be anything but internet friends. 

If Greenmantle found out, he'd take everything Adam had spent years building and unweave it in an instant. His stepfather was powerful and cruel and paying for Adam's education. His stepbrothers were just as bad. All Adam could see was Ronan, K and Prokopenko at the diner after the racing they did at night. He couldn't be interested in K's friend. It was too dangerous. Especially the friend he was pretty sure Kavinsky wanted for himself. 

"Please." Ronan's desperate plea pulled him from his spiralling thoughts. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard him use that word before. "You know me."

"I do. I know exactly who you are." Adam hated how his voice shook. "I'm sorry. This was a really big mistake. I've gotta go."

"Wait. Wait." He didn't grab him, just held up his hands at chest height. "Wait. Fuck. It's not a mistake."

"Don't you know who I am?"

"Of course I do." Ronan dropped his hands, bringing one up to rub the back of his hand again. "You're Harvardboy. You're the person I've been waiting to meet. I fucking know who you are." He paused. "What's your name?"

"Lynch? The fuck you doing out here?" 

Adam glanced up the corridor, heart pounding at Kavinsky's voice. "Shit. I gotta go." 

Without waiting for a reply, he strode in the opposite direction, head down and arms wrapped around his ribs. Small was always better. Murmured conversation chased him down the corridor. When he reached the door, he had to stumble back to avoid getting smacked when Tad shoved his way in.

“Excuse me,” Tad sneered, shoving Adam with his shoulder. “Do I know you?” His eyes flitted over Adam’s masked face. “Seriously, you look familiar.”

Adam shook his head. 

Ronan was suddenly beside him. “Tad, your keeper is waiting.” He nodded down the hallway to where Kavinsky was leaning against a wall, watching the conversation. “Fuck off.”

Huffing, Tad scampered down the hallway. 

“C’mon, let's get the fuck out of here.”

Adam didn’t reply but he followed Ronan out into the chill night air. Stars littered the navy sky and their breath mingled together in mushroom clouds. Tinkling laughter danced across the cars; some were open and full of people. Probably drinking somewhere private. 

Ronan walked beside him, glancing over in practiced nonchalance. Except Adam saw him do it in his peripheral vision too often for it to be anything but obvious. 

It gave him a thrill to know that Ronan Lynch was looking _at him_.

“I guess you were expecting someone else," he said, voice gruff. "Someone like Noah with his passion and his canvases and his art facts.”

“Something like that.” Adam shrugged. “You’re pretty talented for a soccer player.”

Ronan laughed. “This way.” 

He led Adam down a small dirt pathway, away from the prying eyes of the packed cars. The path was so small they had to walk single file. Leaves scratched his face. Branches caught in his hair. The only sound was Ronan's breathing.

When he emerged, Ronan was standing in a small clearing, hands in his pockets. “I dunno if you’ve ever seen this before.” 

The clearing was overgrown; brushes rose up, blocking out Aglionby. The tall grass was trampled down in places and to his knee in others. A crushed path led to a white veranda, wood slightly grey with age. Cicadas chirped loudly. There was only a tiny portion of dark sky visible above them. 

“This is…”

“Yeah." Ronan's blue eyes were sweeping over the space as if checking for damages. "Me and Noah found it one day when I needed to…” He shrugged, shoulders suddenly tense. “It’s been a really shitty couple of months.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“I’m sorry about yours.”

Adam tilted his head in disagreement. “I grew up in a place made for leaving. I guess I just left it a bit earlier than expected.”

Ronan examined him for a moment before nodding. 

They walked up the steps in silence, sitting opposite each other on creaking wood. Ronan’s eyes roamed over him. Adam fought off the need to fidget. Music from the dance wafted over on the air like a bad smell. Irritated Adam pulled out his phone, and putting on a playlist with soft music he used for studying, he rested it on the wooden frame beside him. 

Ronan watched him all the while. “So, would you tell me who you are if I guessed it right?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“How about 20 questions?”

Lynch grinned, sharp and electric. “Alright. Question one. You do actually go to Aglionby, right?”

“I knew who you were, didn't I?”

“Fuck you,” he replied but he was grinning a soft shape Adam had never seen on him before. It made his heart skip in his chest. “I'm just checking. The internet is a weird fucking place, man.”

Adam rolled his eyes. 

“Were you disappointed when you found out that I was Nomad? Don’t lie.”

“You already told me you have no time for liars.”

Ronan huffed out a laugh. “You don’t know me.” 

"Yeah, man. I do." Adam ducked his head. "And no, I wasn’t disappointed it was you.”

He didn't reply for a moment but his face lit up again with that soft smile again. “Okay." He tapped his fingers on his thigh, considering. "You ever come to one of my matches?”

Adam shook his head. “But not because I didn’t want to,” he said when Ronan’s shoulders went tight. “Just work and school and family, I never had the time.”

“Whatever, they’re not important or anything.” He shrugged again. “Mom used to come to all of them, drag Declan and Matthew along. Da would come when he wasn’t travelling.”

“Does anyone come now?”

“Matthew.” A smile broke across his face like a rising sun. “Kid doesn’t miss a damn match.”

The beat of Adam’s heart rang in his ears. “He seems like a good brother.”

“He's the best." He watched Adam, eyes searching for something he didn't know if he could give. "Do we have any classes together?”

Adam nodded.

“You’re not gonna tell me which, are you?”

“Probably not.”

“Figures.” Ronan nodded. “Okay, next question. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“I’ve answered the others.”

“Did you see this as just friendship or…”

“Or?”

“Oh fuck you very much for making me say it out loud.” He scuffed his foot along the wood. White paint flecks settled on his boots. “It’s fine if you’re straight. Friendship with you would be more than enough.”

“I’m not. Straight, I mean.”

Ronan ducked his head and neither of them spoke for a few moments. When he looked back up, his face was serious, and so intensely focused on Adam, he could feel the blush rising up his neck. “You'd think I'd remember those eyes.”

Adam's blush exploded across his cheekbones. “Jesus, Lynch. Warn a guy.”

“If I ask you to dance, does that count as a question?”

“Why? You all out of questions?”

Ronan pushed off the railing and stepped forward. He didn’t touch Adam, just waited for him to step into his arms. “I've seen you before?”

“Yes,” he replied, pushing himself off the frame. 

“I’ve spoken to you?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” Ronan wrapped his hand around Adam gloved one. He was warm, the length of his body touching Adam’s. “How could I have seen you, talked to you, and not know who you are now?”

Adam took a shuddering breath, overwhelmed by how close they were. Ronan’s breath scorched his cheek as it fluttered over it and he was sure he must be able to feel the pulse of his heart in his wrist from where they were holding hands. 

“Maybe you were looking,” he whispered, voice lost to the night. “But you weren't really seeing.”

Ronan made a fist, clinging to the back of Adam’s jacket, and pulled him even closer. Their lips were a breath apart. “Do you feel like you made the right choice meeting me here tonight?”

“I do.” His eyes fluttered down to Ronan’s lips. “Do you ever wanna see me again, after tonight?”

Ronan smirked. “I'd have to think about that.”

Adam laughed. “Fuck you, Lynch.”

They leaned in, lips almost touching, when Adam’s alarm exploded to life, noise shattering the bubble they’d built up around them. 

“Shit. Not now.” Leaving Ronan’s embrace, he turned the alarm off and dropped the phone back into the wood. He'd almost kissed Ronan Lynch. He skin was shivery and hot at the same time. He just wanted to have those arms wrapped around him again. 

But, he had to go. 

Adam was nothing if not disciplined. 

“Curfew?”

“Something like that.” He examined Ronan one last time; the soft expression on his face, how the tension he carried like armour had fallen away while they danced and the warmth with which he was staring at Adam. “I'm sorry, but thank you. This has been the most amazing night.” He ran past him, back down the path. 

“Wait. Tell me where you're going?”

“I'm late.”

“For what?”

He glanced back, almost managing to smile. “Reality.”

***

Blue was kissing Gansey when he found her and wasn’t that a story he'd have to hear sometime soon. The dance had picked up a notch, probably helped along by the drinks in the cars. It was a heaving, roiling mess of bodies and sweat, music and shouts of laughter. After the quiet with Ronan, he hated it even more. 

He nudged her with his foot. 

Glancing over at him, she shrugged and winked. “Gotta go, President Cellphone.”

“Wait, what’s your name?”

“Figure it out,” she replied in a swish of her cloak and disappeared into the crowd. 

Adam could only marvel at her showmanship. 

They ran down the empty corridor and out to the parking lot. Silence hung over the car after they slammed the doors shut. 

“That was a weird night."

Adam started the engine. “It was perfect.”

***  
When they pulled into the diner, Adam could see Greenmantle already sitting at the counter.

“Shit.” He ducked down and glanced at Blue. “What do I do?”

Blue checked her phone. “Mom said he just arrived. He’s asking for you. She left the back door open. Grab a bag of flour on your way in.”

Adam opened the door with a trembling hand. The adrenaline of finding out Nomad was Ronan Lynch had started to wear off and now his stepfather was waiting for him. He was still dressed as prince charming. Ripping the gloves off, he sighed into his hands. He threw the mask and jacket into the back of his car, slipped off the trousers and accepted the jeans Blue handed him. He had a black t-shirt under his shirt. He’d only had runners on anyway.

He held up his hands in defeat.

“You look good, buddy. Go. Be diner boy again.”

“Ha. Thanks for that. You’re such a good friend.” He opened the door and glanced over at her. “Seriously, Blue. Thanks for tonight.”

“I kissed a Raven boy.” She faux-shuddered. “Quick. I’ll distract the step-monster. If anyone asked, I borrowed your car."

Adam snuck around the back alley and up the stairs. The door was propped open with a brick. He kicked it closed, tied on the apron someone had left hanging on the handle, and grabbed an oversized bag of flour, making sure to dirty up his top and face as he did. He pushed the swing door open with his back, and turned into the kitchen. He dropped the flour at Calla’s feet. 

“Adam, you’ve been working too hard. Grab a coke.”

He snorted. “Thanks, Calla.” 

Greenmantle’s aquamarines eyes followed him as he walked the length of the counter. He used his handsomeness as a weapon; his boyish good luck and tousled hair, his flawless skin, and sparkling white teeth as dangerous as any knife. 

“Adam, you’ve been in the back for a while. I hope you weren’t wasting this fine lady's time.”

Maura snorted. “Adam hasn’t wasted time since he was a child.” She put a cup of coffee in front of him with a click that was just short of a violent. “Let me know if I can get you anything else.” She squeezed Adam’s waist when she walked past. 

“Do you need anything, sir?” It was only through years of practice he kept his tone neutral. 

“Where were you?”

Adam swallowed. “I was out back. Getting flour.”

“Sure you were.” Greenmantle examined him. Adam fought not to fidget. "You think I'm going to believe you were here and not at that dance."

He kept his face blank. "I don't go to dances, sir."

Greenmantle narrowed his eyes, and was about to speak when Persophone called, voice like a light breeze, “Adam, I need some help back here."

Still, he didn’t move. Just waited for the axe to fall. 

"I better not find out you're lying to me." He sneered. “Off you go then. Do some work.”


	4. Anger was always easier than fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ronan's POV <3
> 
> Thank you for all your support! This is slow going because college (how rude of my lecturers to give me essays) Hope you enjoy the new chapter!!!

Ronan lay on his bed, hands behind his head, Aglionby uniform is various states of disarray around his room. He was cold in his vest and grey bottoms but he wasn't bothered moving. It was Monday and he had managed three classes before he skipped out. That wasn't bad considering he'd only gone in for Latin last week. Not that the texts from Declan seemed to see this improvement as anything but more failure. 

He turned his music up further to push those thoughts from his head. Nothing good came from that train of thought. 

Every time he closed his eyes, those blues eyes waited. The smirk. Even better the smile. 

_How could Ronan not know who he was?_

Noah waved from the doorway. Ronan's headphones were noise cancelling so it was easy to ignore him and his staring. He spoke, lips moving in some unheard sentence. 

Ronan pointed at the headphones and shrugged. 

Noah rolled his eyes and retreated. 

The EDM echoed through his skull, rattling his brain and drowning out the ache in his chest. He missed his parents. He missed his home. He missed his Matthew. Hell, sometimes he even missed Declan. 

He turned up his music and shut his eyes. 

Blue eyes, pretty as a summer sky, waited for him. Long legs holding up a slim frame. A smirk.

_How could Ronan not know who he was?_

Something cold touched his socked foot. He quirked an eyebrow, eyes still shut, and held out a hand. Damp glass froze his skin, and he smirked, pulling off his headphones. 

He took a long drag from the beer before he spoke. "Al-fucking-right. What do you want?"

Noah grinned and sat at the foot of his bed, rolling his own bottle between his hands. "What are we going to do about your boy?"

"Not my boy. Not doing anything."

Noah rolled his eyes. “Gansey has already sent out a message on the Aglionby forums.”

“He fucking what?” As if conjured by some unearthly magic, his phone started buzzing with forum replies. Ronan glanced at his lock screen. “He used my fucking name? Is he having a laugh?”

“I don’t think he realised quite how much attention it would garner.” He leaned against his bed frame and shrugged. "He was just trying to help." Noah was paler than usual, meant he wasn't sleeping again. 

Ronan nudged him with his foot. "You okay?"

"Long night. Bad dreams. What are we going to do about this?" He held up his phone, screen filling with notifications from the forum. "You're popular being team striker and all."

“Fuck.” He swallowed down the beer in three long drags and handed the bottle to Noah. “Where is he?”

“He was studying with Adam Parrish last I checked.”

Ronan heart jumped in his chest and he ignored it. “The fuck he’s doing with poorboy?”

“Studying,” Noah replied, smirking and picking paint off his hands. “Don’t even pretend you aren’t interested in knowing where Adam is.”

“Oh fuck right off.” He sat up back to Noah, hoping to hide the blush across his cheekbones. “They're in the library?” He shoved his boots on. “C’mon. I need to kill Dick.”

***

The library was dim in the dull November light. Students were scattered about, sitting at desks and on the floor between the stacks. They all seemed to be panicking over their books and essays and laptops. Ronan could not imagine caring this much about something that seemed so fucking small. He scratched the back of his head, anger burning in the pit of his stomach. It was always there like when the BBQ coals burned down to white hot heat during the summer. It was always there and he’d mostly learned to ignore it. 

He heard Gansey before he saw him. Even whispering, he was too loud. 

Ronan dropped in the seat opposite and slouched back. “Hey Dick, heard you were interfering in my life.” He ignored Adam’s eyes on him, hating how they seared his skin like lasers. He fought not to glance over, managing to only look at his hands for one brief moment of relief. “Care to explain?”

Gansey huffed. “Welcome to the library, Ronan. I know you haven’t been here in a while but usually you keep your voice down.”

Ronan’s only response was to roll his eyes.

“Hey Adam,” Noah said as he joined them at the table. “Sorry about interrupting. Lynch is being a drama queen.”

Adam shrugged. “About what?”

“Oh didn’t you hear?” Noah replied, gleeful. “Lynch met his own prince charming at the dance on Friday night but now he can’t find him. All he was left with was a glass slipper. Well, a phone.”

Adam snorted but Ronan couldn’t help but notice the pretty pink blush that stained his cheekbones. “Didn’t take you for a romantic, Lynch.”

He tore his eyes away. “Didn’t take you for a gossip, Parrish.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “You’ve got this, Gansey? I’ve got to go to work.”

“Yes, thank you so much for staying back.”

Adam shrugged. “No worries. See ya, Noah. Lynch.”

“Parrish.”

Ronan manages not to watch him walk away. He really was succeeding at life today.

***

Sometimes Ronan was afraid he was forgetting the little things; the sound of his dad’s voice when he got back from a business trip, the tackiness of his cheek after his mom had kissed him with her soft pink lipstick, laughing easy and loud with his brothers, and the warm embrace of home after a crappy day in school. 

Sometimes Ronan was afraid he wouldn’t forget the big things; the copper smell of blood in the garage, the clang of the tire iron when he tripped over it, the way his mom had screamed and screamed when he called for help, and how he felt when they lowered her into the grave six months after his dad. 

Sometimes Ronan was just afraid.

And anger was always easier than fear.

***  
“Jesus Mary, Gansey, what the hell were you thinking?” He grabbed Gansey’s laptop and pulled up the Aglionby forums. Gansey’s post had the most interaction, sitting at the top of the page. “Were you at the Halloween dance? Did you see Prince Charming? I'd love to know who he was. Least seen with Ronan Lynch.” He read the words with a sneer in his voice. “What the actual fuck were you fucking doing?”

Someone shushed but balked when Ronan turned his glare on them. 

He ignored the shot of pride that surged through him. 

“I was just trying to help. You were so happy after the dance and so excited before. I just…” He trailed off and leaned back. “I was trying to help.” He ran his thumb along his lip. “You were happy.”

Ronan didn’t bother correcting him. He hadn’t been happy in months but he knew exactly what Gansey was remembering; the summer his dad had died, before he’d woken up in the middle of the night and found his dad dead, when Gansey had bought Monmouth and they’d spent their time dragging out junk and burning it in the dying light of the sun. It had been so much easier to laugh them, to throw smiles away easily, instead of weighing each one because they were worth so much more now.

“Delete it. Look at the state of these responses.”

Noah leaned over him and laughed. “Dude, who knew so many people wanted to get into your pants? Also how did I not realise that heterosexuality wasn’t nearly as rampant as I thought. I am learning all sorts of wonderful things today.”

“Fuck off, man.” He pushed Noah back with a hand to his face. “Now, Gansey.”

With a sigh dragged up from his stomach, Gansey took the laptop back and clicked on the keys. “There. It’s gone.” 

Ronan slumped back. “Fucking good.”

“Want to go to Nino’s for food?” Noah asked, perching on the table between them. “Blue might be working and I’m pretty sure Adam is headed that way.” He glanced at Ronan, smirking. 

“You can fuck off too.”

“What?" Gansey looked between the two of them. "What?”

“Nothing, man. Mommy and daddy are talking.”

“We’ll tell you when you're older,” Noah said with a singsong voice. “C’mon, food.”

With a sigh, Ronan followed, hating how easily Noah seemed to be able to read him when everyone else was illiterate. 

***

When Ronan painted, it was easy to pretend the world still made sense. 

It was easy to recreate the good dreams; the forest he went to on the rare nights his brain wasn't punishing him. These he didn't mind sharing.

He didn't show anyone the other painting; his night terrors with the dark teeth and the ragged broken thing they left behind when they were done with him, didn't show anyone his black heart melting in clawed hands and the burning fire snapping at his feet while he burned and burned and burned. 

Ronan showed no one these. 

It scared him that he wanted to show them to Harvardboy.


	5. Losing your anonymity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! The world's a bit mental! I hope you're all doing okay and keeping safe <3

It had been a weird week. 

Gansey and Noah were relentless in the search for Prince Charming. They'd made a morning announcement on Tuesday, had hung up posters on Wednesday and set up a meet and greet on Thursday. 

Even avoiding it, Adam was still sick to the stomach. 

Everywhere he went in Aglionby had some sort of poster, or worse, students discussing him. Discussing who Prince Charming was and if he was into Ronan and if Ronan was into him and where he holidayed and what he drove and if his father was a republican and if they cared that he was dating Ronan Lynch. 

It made Adam's skin crawl. 

Ronan was lucky; he was only turning up for Latin and soccer practice, and since the next game was against Virginia High, the only other private school in the state, and Aglionby's long running rivalry, and the fact it was a playoff game, meant the teachers were ignoring the fact he was barely turning up. 

Adam clung to his anonymity with a grip that got tighter everyday. 

***

A week after the dance, Adam slammed his locker shut, and shifted his backpack further up onto his shoulder. The hallways were empty, a golden haze lightened the dark wood walls and silence was a kind hush after a week of noise. He couldn't wait to see Blue, and have her cheer him up with smug comments about President Cellphone.

"Hey, Poorboy," Kavinsky shouted down the hallway. "Dad was looking for you." 

Unwilling, Adam's shoulders tensed. He tilted his head to acknowledge he'd heard Kavinsky, but kept walking. Dust motes danced in the fading sunlight, but with K's footsteps breaking the stillness, Adam just shoved through them. He managed not to flinch when a sweaty arm wrapped around his neck. 

"I said dad was looking for you this morning. He seemed pissed."

"Isn't he always?"

K snorted. "What's your problem? This is a fucking easy as life we've been handed."

Adam pushed him off. "Fuck off."

"Jesus, you're boring." He shoved Adam into a locker and then pulled him back into a hug. "Think a letter arrived from college. Dad wasn't happy."

He tripped, heart falling and dragging his stomach with it. 

K wrenched him back. "Where'd you learn how to walk, loser?"

"Do you know what was in it?" 

"Nope." K popped the p with pleasure. "He was pissed though. Worse than he was last week when you told him you lost his phone. Ranting about what a failure you were."

"K, you fuckface, the fuck did you say to coach?" Ronan chased them down the corridor, pulling K away from Adam and shoving him into the locker. "You think we'd have gotten this far without me? I've scored half the goals this season."

K smirked. "Man, if you wanted to feel me up you coulda just asked." 

"Oh fuck you." Ronan shoved him once more and then let him go. "Coach told me I've to attend all classes if I wanna play next week."

"Sucks to be you, Lynch." K shoved him. "Good luck stealing my fucking thunder with the scouts." He smirked when Ronan rolled his eyes. "Ring dad, stepbrother. Oh, and my essay is due on monday. I'll leave it on your desk." He shoved Adam into the locker as he passed. 

Suddenly exhausted, he just rested against, eyes closed and sighed. 

"Jesus, Parrish, you alright, man?" Ronan leant against the locker beside him; warm and smelling of grass and sweat. 

Adam shouldn't have liked it as much as he did. "I'm tired. I'm just... tired."

"I get it, man." He nudged Adam's shoulder and didn't move away; the contact warmed. "I've been having a bad week myself."

"The prince charming stuff?" He still hadn't opened his eyes. It was nice pretending for a few minutes that his life wasn't about to fall apart. "It's been everywhere this week "

"I fucking know. Gansey promised he'd leave it alone but he's Gansey." Adam heard his head bang against the locker and felt the vibrations under his own. "What would you do?"

Adam froze. "I wouldn't have a secret admirer. I don't have…" He trailed off, suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't know what I'd do."

He could feel Ronan's eyes on him. "I just guess if he doesn't wanna reveal himself he shouldn't have to, ya know?"

"You don't want to know who he is?"

"Nah, I do. It's just these fucking vultures. Wouldn't be willing to give them anymore fucking fodder." The _scritch scritch scritch_ of him scratching his head made Adam shiver. "I know the guy I'd been speaking to, he wouldn't… All of this is bullshit. He'd hate it." 

Adam opened his mouth, desperately wanting to tell him the truth. 

"Ronan."

Ronan sighed at the sound of Gansey's voice. "Were you gonna say something?"

Adam smiled, shook his head and glanced over at him. 

"Fuck, your eyes…" 

Adam looked down and pushed off the locker. "I'll see you later, Lynch." Heart beating so fast it hurt, he practically ran down the corridor, ignoring the murmuring conversation behind him. 

***

He didn't even try to see Greenmantle that night. He crept into the house after his shift and spent the night staring at the ceiling wondering if he'd lost his chance to escape this horrible house. If Harvard had rejected his early admission and what he'd do if it had. If Ronan had figured it out but just didn't want him. If he'd ever feel less alone, less tired, less unknown.

Sitting at his computer the next morning, he worked through Kavinsky's homework, ignoring how it was slowly winding him up like a wind up monkey with symbols. The attic only had one tiny round window so there wasn't any real natural light and the fluorescents were giving him a headache. 

He missed his phone. 

He missed Ronan. Nomad. His friend. 

He'd opened his private account and was scrolling through the message before he'd even realised. There was a strange comfort in the familiar words. Even more so now he knew they were from Ronan. 

A knock on his door jamb made him jump. 

"Dad wants you and I have an essay for you to do." Tad watched him and when he didn't move, said, "Eh, now."

Sighing, Adam minimised his screen and pushed past him. "Stay out of my room."

Greenmantle sat on the couch, ice clinking off the side of his whiskey glass. "Adam. Good to see you." He threw a brochure and Adam just about caught it. "I took the liberty of looking up some local community colleges for you."

He glanced down at the brochure in his hands and back up at his stepfather, mouth hanging open. "Sir?"

"Here's the thing," he said before taking a long drag of his whiskey. "Adam, you're not that attractive and you're not that smart. Maybe you should lower your goals to a level that is more suited to your… standard."

Adam swallowed. "I think I'm gonna keep trying to get into Harvard." 

Greenmantle hummed. 

"I better get back to my homework, sir."

He waved his hand in dismissal and Adam tried not to run from the room. He knew who his stepfather was, knew what he said meant nothing, but he managed to crawl under Adam's skin every time and rip through every single fear. He blinked away the wetness lacing his eyelashes.

Tad shoved past him on the stairs, hands tucked into his jumper pocket. "Move, loser. I gotta find K."


	6. burning hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Pandemics, man! Not the most conducive environment for creativity! 
> 
> Also ANGST, ANGST, MORE ANGST!
> 
> Couple of POV changes in this but I've marked them all :)

(Kavinsky)

K scanned through the papers Tad had handed him, a burn of anger roiling beneath his skin. “You got it off his laptop?” The words fell heavily in the uneasy silence of the room.

“I was waiting on him to come back because I had an essay." Tad smiled, hopeful and desperate to please. "He’d obviously been scrolling through them like a loser.”

K snorted. “That fucking fuckface. He has to know Ronan is mine.” The roaring bass exploding from his speakers did little to calm him. He was going to destroy Adam, and Ronan with him. “Does he know you have this?”

Tad shook his head.

K almost congratulated him but decided not to at the last second. Tad was easier to control when he was seeking approval.

Tad leaned against K’s desk, arms folded with his presidential face on looking as pleased as he had been when they rigged the votes to get him elected for the forth year in a row.

God, K fucking hated him.

It was sorta funny how hard Adam tried considering Greenmantle had no problem with them cheating once it got the desired results. Rage made his lungs tight; how dare he think he could have Lynch when K had obviously declared his intent years ago.

Clothes piled up behind Tad and he considered if he could bully Adam into cleaning his room again. That was always fucking hilarious. Anything to make his life worse. Easiest way to make sure Greenmantle kept the money rolling. Maybe they should have bonded together against their asshole of a stepfather but K knew it was always better to punch down than up. Punching down at least guarantee you a place in the hierarchy. If poorboy wasn’t so focused on escaping, he’d know that.

“So, we’re going to do something? Gansey has been looking for him all week.” Bitterness soaked Tad’s tone; the only person he'd never been able to win over was Dick. “I mean we have to tell Lynch, right?”

“Obviously. The question is how do we reveal this with the maximum level of fuckery?”

Tad tapped his lip, pulling his thumb over it and K rolled his eyes. He knew his stepbrother was obsessed with Gansey but copying his mannerisms was a whole new level of pathetic. Of course, the fact he recognised it as a Gansey mannerism pissed him off even more. He only fucking recognised it because Lynch was constantly with the asshole.

God, he hated all of them. 

Especially Lynch.

He just also happened to want to taste that caustic mouth, see what it would take to make him shut up and beg. 

“Let me think about it. I’ll figure out something that’ll have the largest audience.”

***

Breaking into Monmouth was way too fucking easy. 

He’d waited until they’d all left, sitting in his white BMW and watching as Lynch, Noah and Gansey climbed into Gansey’s disgusting orange vehicle. The door of their apartment only took a shoulder in the right place and it was open. Fucking idiots. 

The place was a wonderland of books, glass and a cardboard replica of Henrietta. 

K wanted to destroy it so much he had to dig his fingernails into his palms to stop himself. It was better that he kept this visit quiet. Ronan’s room, with the speeding tickets on the door and the clothes littering the floor, made something ache in K’s chest. Like he wasn’t good enough for this shithead. 

He pushed it away with the ease of long practice. 

The paintings were stacked against the walls.

Lynch always had paint under his fingernails or caught in his hair. K had long figured out that he was hiding this secret, had just been waiting until the right time to abuse the knowledge. He stole the ones furthest back, making sure they wouldn’t be missed. The only one near the front he took had two men standing beneath a spotlight, surrounded by a crowd. Something about it pissed him off so much that he almost put his foot through it there and then. 

He pushed the violence away with practiced ease as well. 

Greenmantle has taught him nothing if not control. 

He gathered up four paintings; a lush green forest wet with moss and dripping leaves, Dick’s car on a moonless night with a shadowed figure sitting in the drivers side, the couple, and a one of a white barn with a tin roof drowning in a grey sky. He didn’t know how he knew but he was sure these would be the ones that would hurt Ronan the most to lose. 

He left Monmouth as he’d found it, paintings tucked into the boot of his car. 

***  
(Adam)

Ronan Lynch had taken to watching Adam.

Not in any way he would have noticed if he wasn’t so good at observing people without being observed. Not in any way he would have noticed if he wasn’t so used to watching Lynch in the one class they shared. 

Turned out they shared three classes. Ronan just hadn’t bothered coming to any of them bar latin until his coach’s ultimatum. Class or no football. Adam desperately wanted to know why he cared about football so much, and couldn’t help but think it had something to do with how his mom had come to every game, and how his little brother still came to most of them. 

Anxiety prickled across Adam’s skin every time Ronan’s eyes skimmed across his face. 

He didn’t think Ronan knew, because wouldn’t he have approached Adam if he did, but he did think Ronan suspected. He’d noticed Adam’s eyes after all. 

Leaving school two weeks after the halloween dance, Adam scratched a tired hand across his hair and thought about begging off work from Maura. He’d spent the last two weeks doing his, K’s and Tad’s homework and he was exhausted.

There was a crowd gathered in the parking lot, making it almost impossible to get to his car. He pushed past them, stalling when he heard people whispering his and Ronan’s names. 

Together. 

_Parrish-and-Lynch_. 

_Parrish-is-Prince-Charming_. 

_Ronan-and-Adam_. 

Adam froze. 

Someone noticed him in the crowd and suddenly he was being pulled forward into the gaping circle in the centre. K stood waiting. The first thing he noticed were Ronan’s paintings, placed on easels. The second was the burning trash can in the centre of the circle. 

The worst thing he noticed were his texts, blown up on cardboard and visible for the whole school. He swallowed and tried to keep the burning shame from overwhelming him. K had obviously chosen the words where he was most vulnerable; exhausted and weak. 

_Wish it wasn't so hard all the time; school, work, my family. You're the only thing that's easy in my life_. 

_Sometimes I imagine what it'd be like to meet you but I'm scared I'm not good enough_. 

_You're the only friend I have in Aglionby_. 

Adam tore his eyes away.

Kavinsky smirked at him before turning to the crowd, eyes wide and manic. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have discovered your Prince Charming. Except he’s not a prince, are you Adam? You're nothing but a loser. An imposter. An orphan. A poor, little diner boy. And since my darling stepbrother has arrived, all we have to do is wait for his crush to come to the rescue.”

Adam surged forward, trying to grab the evidence but Propensko was too fast, pushing him back so hard, he fell to the ground. It took him a second to clear the ringing from his ears from the hard hit his skull took. 

Ronan exploded from the crowd like a heart attack. “What the fuck, K?”

Adam pushed himself up on his elbows, dizzy. Ronan stood in front of him, back as tense as a plank of wood. His fists trembled as he took in the scene. For the first time all week his eyes didn’t linger on Adam, just skimmed over him with barely an acknowledgement. 

K's grin grew at Ronan’s clear dismissal of Adam. “Nice of you to join us, Lynch. Just showing some of my friends here your art.”

“How the fuck did you get that?” The words were ice cold but bubbled with rage. "You're a little fuck, you know that?"

“You really should get your door fixed, fuckface.”

Ronan stepped forward. “I will fucking kill you.”

“You won’t touch me, or Propensko will burn all this shit to ash. Art, Lynch? Really? What a fucking loser you turned out to be. Are you sad your mommy died? Poor orphan Ronan with a dead daddy and a dead mommy.”

Adam stood up, ignoring how the back of his head ached, and stepping in front of Ronan before the tension across the other boy's skin broke into a storm of violence. “K, leave it. Greenmantle will disown you if you get expelled.”

Something dangerous passed over K’s face. “Greenmantle might be regretting adding you to the family but I’m actually going places, poor boy.”

“K, what the fuck is your problem?” The orange glow of the fire illuminated Ronan’s pale skin making him into a fierce monster. “The fuck do you think you’re going to achieve with this?”

The crowd were getting restless, shivering and whispering for violence.

“I know what you bunch of assholes want,” K screamed. “You want to watch the world burn!” 

He grabbed the painting of Adam and Ronan on the dancefloor and dumped it into the trash can. The small canvas fell into the flames, exploding when it hit the chemicals in the paint. A cheer rang out with whoops of celebrations and cries of dismay. Adam could only watch as Ronan shut down, a blank mask settling over his furious expression. 

“Again?”

“Again!” The crowd responded.

Before either Adam or Ronan could move, the forest was dumped into the flames. It was larger so it sat atop the trash can, burning and sending bellows of black smoke out into the early evening air. Only Adam was close enough to hear the hitch in Ronan’s breathing. 

It sounded like heartbreak.

Gansey appeared from the crowd, mouth pulled in a downwards curve. “Ronan?” He asked as he took in the scene. “Oh. Oh no.”

“Dick, get me out of here or I’m going to fucking kill him.”

Adam stepped forward, touching Ronan’s arm gently, but he pulled it away from him like he’d burned him.

“Not now, Parrish. Not fucking now.” He walked away, trembling with something that could have been grief, or could have been the anger visible along the line of his shoulders. 

The crowd parted easily.

“Ah, I think we broke Lynch.” Kavinsky laughed and the crowd joined in. “Let’s keep burning these, shall we?” 

Adam stalked forward and grabbed the painting from K’s hand, pushing him so hard he staggered back, almost tripping over his feet. He took the other painting too and turned once to stare at K. “You hurt him again, and I'll let everyone who’s selling the drugs across town.”

K narrowed his eyes, anger making them almost black. “You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

“I have a lot more shit on you than you have on me so do not fuck with me.”

He strode away, noticing the crowd didn’t part for him as easily as Ronan. By the time he broke free, Gansey and Ronan were already gone. He tucked the two paintings into the back seat of his car and drove to Monmouth, hoping everything wasn’t ruined before it had even begun. 

***

(Ronan)

Ronan felt nothing as he drove the streets of Henrietta.

That was a lie Ronan was allowing himself because if he admitted to the rage and grief and hurt that crawled beneath his skin he'd go after K and wouldn't stop until that motherfucking asshole begged for mercy. Jesus Mary. He'd managed to choose the four paintings that really meant something to Ronan, the ones he had hurt him to create; a mixture of want and love and grief and hope had gone into their creation, and Kavinsky had burned them.

He swallowed away the nausea.

Gansey had told him to come straight home but he knew if he’d done that he would have torn down the damn walls, so he was driving, watching the world bleed into night, and wishing he could tear K apart instead. He knew how to box. He knew he could destroy that asshole in a couple of punches; his dad had done that one thing right before getting himself killed. 

When he did finally pull into the parking of the old factory, the sun was dying in the sky, drowning in the navy blue pull of an ocean of stars. Tufts of weeds and grass covered the broken up concrete. He could hear the loose stones hitting the underside of the BMW. 

Adam sat on the hood of his car.

Ronan wished he wasn't here because he was too angry to soften his words, too angry to smooth out his edges. He wanted to hurt others like he was hurting. He wanted to tear the fucking world apart starting with the elegant, pale boy sitting hunched up in front of him.

Adam seemed to have shrunk since the carpark. Like something had been vital stolen from him.

Ronan was so aware of his body, so incased in the energy pumping through him. He was never more grounded than when he was angry, and he knew how to strike a killing blow.

“Were you in on it, Parrish?” He asked when he slid from his car, allowing all the spikes and blades he owned to protect him when a slither of hurt broke across Adam’s expression like ripples over a lake. “You and K tight now?”

“Lynch, you fucking know we’re not." Adam's voice was steady but quiet. "I was humiliated too.”

“Didn’t lose anything though, did you?”

Adam swallowed audibly, eyes travelling over Ronan's face. “Only you, I think.” He reached into the back of his car and retrieved two of Ronan’s paintings. “Sorry. I only managed to get two back. I guess I’ll see you around, Lynch.”

Ronan wanted to stop him, wanted to say something, _wanted wanted wanted_. 

He watched Adam drive away. 

***

(Adam)

Adam didn’t make his shift in Nino’s; he barely managed to send a coherent text on the shitty phone he’d bought from his meagre savings before the tears made it impossible to concentrate on anything but driving. He got home too quickly and raced up to the attic where his tiny bedroom was hidden, slamming the door shut and burying his face in the pillows while he fought back his hard won control. 

The knock on the door was quiet but demanding attention. 

“Come in,” he called, pleased when his voice held steady.

Greenmantle walked in, eyed the room and his stepson, before sitting on the comforter covering Adam’s duvet. “A letter came for you today. From harvard.”

The envelope was small. Not a big wide acceptance envelope. Adam’s heart sank as he tore it open with shaking fingers. “Dear Mr. Parrish, we regret to inform you…” He trailed off. “I didn’t get in.”

Greenmantle huffed. “Well, that was predictable. I guess you can come work for me at the firm. I’ll train you up. I’ve been looking for associates and I suppose you're not totally useless. You can make a career out of it. I’ll even allow you to keep living here.”

Adam’s heart sunk and his lungs tightened. “Yes, sir."

“Good. It’s decided. You’ll start at the end of this year.” He clapped his hands and Adam flinched. “I’ll draw up the contracts tonight.” 

The room was deadly silent when he left. 

Adam turned over and didn’t bother fighting the tears this time.


	7. Take what you want

(Ronan)

The screech of a whistle called the game to a close. Despite the fact that all he wanted to do was beat the living shit out of Kavinsky, he’d managed to put it aside and work with him. The game against Virginia High was Friday night, and Ronan wanted to play. It was the only good thing he had at the moment now he’d lost…

He pushed the thought away and jogged over to Coach Williams. 

“Alright, not bad. Kavinsky, pass more. Lynch, use your words.”

“Why doesn’t he just paint us a picture?” K sneered. 

Ronan paused where he was wiping the sweat of his forehead with his jersey. “Fuck off, K”

“You gonna cry, fuckface?" K sniggered. "You gonna weep over your lost pictures?”

Black rage overtook Ronan, and before he’d even thought about it, he tackled Kavinsky. They both landed heavily, and Ronan pushed himself up, punching K in his snarling mouth. Kavinsky’s head jolted back, but then he was swinging, and Ronan fell back with a sick, wet thump. Hands were grabbing at them but he didn’t care; he had to get to K, had to beat the smile off his face. 

Coach’s face was suddenly in his face. “Lynch, showers. Cool off and come see me after.”

He wiped his hand across his lip, a streak of crimson covering the pale skin and spat. “Sure, Coach. Whatever you fucking say.”

The locker room was empty when he shoved his way into it, slamming the door behind him. He grabbed his towel and turned the water up to boiling, wanting the steam and the pain and the noise in his head blocked out. Steam made the tiles sweat and he drew birds in the dewy layer.

He missed Harvard Boy. Fuck. He missed Adam. 

Adam had been on the periphery of Ronan’s life for so long that ignoring him had left a bigger gap than he wanted to acknowledge. He spent so long admiring his for his tenacity and his bravery, for how hard he worked and his caustic tongue. He couldn’t believe that he had never noticed that he was the same boy he was falling in love with over the phone. 

“Fuck,” he muttered into the steaming tiles. “Fucking fuck.”

He wanted to speak to him, wanted to give them a chance, but Adam had known who he was all this time and never told him, he’d stood by and let Kavinsky destroy something that meant everything to Ronan, and he knew that wasn’t fair, and he knew Adam had earned his trust over and over, but still he couldn’t help lashing out, feeling like it’d all been part of some big prank. The water turned cold quicker than his feelings could untangle themselves from the knots he’d been making. 

Sighing, he got dressed and went to find his coach. 

K was slumped down in a chair when Ronan entered the office. Rolling his eyes, he sat in the other chair. Coach Williams finished whatever he was typing and finally turned to them. 

“I heard what happened in the car park yesterday, and to be honest, I’m pretty fucking impressed that Lynch managed to hold his temper in check as long as he did. K, you got any reason why I shouldn’t ban you from Friday’s game?”

K spluttered and lunged forward, slamming the desk. “I’m your best striker.”

“You are one of two strikers. Both pretty equal in talent. Together though, you actually make up something worth keeping.” He tapped the desk, once, twice. “I’m keeping you both in the game only because it’s Virginia High. Otherwise, you’d be banned for three games for destroying teammates property and you-” He pointed at Ronan. “Would be banned for one for punching a fellow teammate.”

Ronan opened his mouth to complain but the coach cut him off with a look. 

“Don’t even start. I’m pissed off enough as it is. If I had a choice you'd both be out, but no way I’ll be able to explain that to the board of trustees.” The words dripped disdain. “Get out of my office. Both of you. And if I hear any more fighting, I won’t care. You’ll both be banned.”

When they left the office, they both went in opposite directions without a word. 

***  
(Adam)

School was hell. 

Worse than ever before. 

No matter what room he walked into, silence fell. Like they had just been talking about him. Which they had, Adam knew, but he’d hoped the brightest of the bright would be better than this. Latin was the worst because Ronan was there, every class, and Adam could feel how everyone watched. No one said anything, because they knew Ronan wouldn’t allow it, but it made his skin crawl; the whispers and the watching and the gossip. 

“Adam!”

He didn't bother turning when he heard Gansey calling him. 

“Adam, hey.” Gansey ran up beside him and stuttered to a halt. “Hey, man. How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.” He kept moving, hoping that if he did he wouldn’t accidentally give the gossips more food. 

Gansey nodded, knowing. “I know it’s all been a mess, but if you wanted to come over to ours, maybe you and Ronan could talk.”

“We’ve talked. He’s not interested.” He pushed out the front door and headed for his car. “I’ve got to get to work. I’ll see ya later.”

He left Gansey standing in the car park, rubbing his thumb over his lip in thoughtful consideration. 

He was too exhausted to fell guilty about how rude he'd been.

Nino’s was busy with the afterschool crowd when he arrived. He stripped out of his uniform and threw on his work clothes, hands shaking. He ached for Nomad, ached for the warmth and safety he’d brought into his world. Just his presence made everything seem easier, less like a tight band of tension was slowly suffocating him. 

The shift wasn’t too bad, sheltered as he was in the presence of Muara, Persaphohe and Calla. Blue wasn’t in today, had her shift dog walking, but the others kept their eyes on him, kept him safe. He cleared tables, swept the floor and kept himself busy so he didn’t have time to think about how much of a mess his life had become. He hadn’t gotten into Harvard. He’d lost Ronan before he ever really had him. Greenmantle was talking about him giving up the diner job _now that you have a real career to look forward to_.

The shift was fine until Kavinsky walked in with Tad. 

Adam swallowed and looked away. 

“Hi, diner boy,” K called after they’d been served their food. “Clean this up would you?”

Adam turned just in time to see him sweep his food off the table with a self satisfied, _oops_. 

He closed his eyes at the wave of anger that roared up inside him. Taking three deep breaths before he walked over to the table. 

Persephone tried to stop him, putting a gentle hand on his forearm, but he shook his head. “It’s fine. I’ve got this.”

“Just remember, Adam, you have a whole family behind you. We believe in you.”

Greenmantle chose that moment to walk in, sweeping through the door like a nightmare version of a fairytale prince. “Adam, I have your contracts. You won’t need to finish the year. You can start on Monday. This’ll be your last shift here too.”

Kavinsky laughed, long and bellowing. 

Calla emerged from the kitchen. “Excuse me? Adam will be finishing up high school and going to college.”

“Adam failed to get into Harvard. He will be coming to work with me.” The words dripped with disdain. “Tell them Adam.”

“Adam?” 

“Adam!”

“Diner boy, answer them.”

Something snapped and Adam clenched his jaw. “Do you know what? No.”

“Excuse me?”

Dead silence fell as the whole diner watched the confrontation. Calla grinned like a shark, and Persephone muttered, “Oh dear me,” as she watched. Maura barked out a laugh.

Emboldened by their reactions, Adam took a step forward. “You heard me. I quit. I quit your job offer. I quit your family. And I’m moving out.” He took another step forward. “And you’re all banned from this establishment. So get the hell out.”

Tad choked on his coke. “You can’t do that.”

“Oh yes he can,” Calla interrupted. “We only let you in here because he wouldn’t let us throw you out. So shoo, off you go. Out.”

Greenmantle drew his eyebrows together, mouth twitching in rage. “And where exactly are you going to go? No family trailer to fall back on,” he sneered.

“He’ll move in with us,” Maura announced. “Now I believe you are trespassing on these grounds. So, out.” She flicked her broom at them, sweeping under their feet until all three men moved towards the doorway. “We’ll follow you in the car and pick up his stuff. He’ll be out of your _home_ -” she sneered with the same level of disdain that Greenmantle had used. “-by tonight.”

Greenmantle stared between the three women surrounding Adam, expression livid. “This is the thanks I get for taking you in? For helping you survive?”

“For stealing him from us? For bullying him his whole life?” Calla flicked a sharp purple nail at him. “Yeah, this is the thanks you get. Now out.”

Adam tensed when the door slammed behind them, wrapping his arms around his ribs and laughing, a choked, hysterical noise. “Oh my god, I did it.”


	8. Remembering who you once were

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY <333
> 
> Nothing like a pandemic to destroy motivation! Hope you're all safe and wearing masks and washing hands and being amazing as always <3 It's short but I'm trying ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ
> 
> So, anyway I disappeared for four months and reappeared with angst. Enjoy!!

Ronan sat in the locker room, staring at his feet. A towel rested on his head. It saved him from having to talk to anyone. 

It has been two weeks since he and Adam had spoken. He'd heard rumours, heard Adam had moved out and was living in Fox Way. Gansey said something about him moving into an apartment above the church. Ronan watched him sometimes in Latin; he seemed easier, less tense and pale. His eyes were less bloodshot, the bags smaller and his face less gaunt. He smiled easier, laughing sometimes with Noah. 

Adam didn't even glance at Ronan. 

He ignored how much that hurt. 

Shouting teammates dragged him from his thoughts. They were riotous and cheerful at the start of the season. No games won or lost. No pressure from the school yet. Once that first whistle went, there were spectators and bets and radio commentators and parents and teachers and the school board and _win win win_.

Ronan didn't care about any of it. Not like before. His mom used to make posters and they'd all cheer and shout, boo at the referee and throw glitter at Ronan afterwards. They'd go out for dinner for the wins and ice cream after the losses. It was fun and silly and he never really took the game too seriously. 

Now, it was a drag of stress and attention and pressure he had no interest in, but if he quit, he'd have to face the consequences of never going to class and the fact he was probably going to flunk out. It seemed easier to keep that inevitability off for as long as he could and just keep turning up for practice and matches. 

"Yo, Parrish, what you doing in here?" 

Ronan glanced up to find Adam towering above him like some avenging God. "Parrish," he managed to force out. 

"Lynch."

Neither of them said anything for a minute.

"Fucking what, Parrish? You obviously came here to say something." 

Adam rolled his eyes. "Don't think I don't see you, Ronan."

Ronan's heart twinged when he said his name. "Yeah well, this is what I am. A soccer player. A fuck up. A fucking nobody."

"You know I used to think I was unknowable," Adam replied, rolling his eyes again. "But those women at the diner know me. Blue knows me. Even Gansey and Noah do." He crouched down. "You knew me and it's only you pretending what we had didn't mean anything. Only you lying to yourself that it was fake." He took a shuddering breath. "For someone who claims he doesn't lie, you sure as hell don't tell the truth very often." 

"Listen, Parrish…"

"No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. You pushed me away at the first sign of trouble. You believed K over me. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody." Adam ran a hand through his hair and Ronan was suddenly desperate to hold it. "I know you think you're unknowable. Think everything is broken, you most of all. But, Ronan, I know what it feels like to feel that way, to feel so alone it's eating you up inside." Adam knelt so close only Ronan could hear the next words. "You're not alone, and you're not broken. I'm still here. Gansey. Noah. Declan. Matthew. They're all waiting for you to realise they're still there."

Ronan blinked away tears. 

Adam reached up and caught one that escaped. "Even though I thought I had no family, I do. Even though, I thought I was alone, I wasn't. You gotta let yourself believe again. Because otherwise, it's you I'm gonna feel sorry for."

"What's Poorboy doing here?" Kavinsky called. 

Adam rolled his eyes and ignored him. "Waiting to feel better is like waiting for rain in a drought. Useless and disappointing until…"

"Heads up. Yo, five minutes."

"Fuck off, K." Ronan was desperate to here what Adam was going to say, felt like there was salvation in his words as precious as any prayer he spoke on a Sunday. 

Adam smiled a watery grin. "It always starts raining again, Lynch. And I know that guy that sent those messages is somewhere inside of you. But I can't wait for you to be brave. I need to keep all my bravery for myself." He leaned forward and captured Ronan's lips in a too short kiss. "I just wanted to try that once." He stood and wiped dust off his knees. "I'll see you around, Lynch." 

Ronan wiped his face with his towel and ignored the jeering from his teammates. K shoved himself down beside him, slamming into Ronan's side. 

"Did you and Poorboy break up, fuckface?"

"Oh piss off, K." 

He wrapped his arms around Ronan's shoulders. "Don't mess with me, Lynch. You're either with me or against me. And trust me, you don't want to be against me."

Before Ronan could reply, Coach was shouting about kick off and they were lining up for the game. Rage was boiling in his stomach and he tried to focus on the match instead. They ran out. K found his way to Ronan's side again. 

"Well, fuckface. You made your decision yet?"

Ronan glanced up to the bleachers. Noah and Gansey were sitting with Matthew waving signs. Even Declan was there, laughing with Matthew. His eyes found Adam, sitting with Blue, and watching Ronan with searching eyes. 

He turned back to K. "It was never gonna be me and you. Never."


	9. Happily ever after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! 
> 
> This was a surprisingly hard fic to write so thank you to everyone who kept reading even with the delays!! I've started working on another Pynch fic so subscribe if you'd like to read it! 
> 
> Hope you're all safe and well!!

The stands were packed. Adam never realised that the Aglionby football games were such an event that they attracted so many people. 

He walked up to where Blue was sitting with Gansey and Noah. She gave him a sympathetic smile and a shrug that told him they were the only free seats. He recognised Ronan's brothers beside Noah; the youngest gave him a bright smile and a wave while Declan gave him a considering look. Adam didn't bother saying hello to him but he smiled at Matthew. Blue was a warm line beside him when he sat down. Gansey kept glancing over at her like she’d hung the stars. He supposed it was sort of cute. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t just ended things with Ronan before they’d even got started. 

He could still feel Ronan's lips on his own. 

When the team came out, Ronan glanced up into the stands and froze for a long moment when he saw Adam. Then K pushed him and said something. Ronan glanced up again and replied. Something bitter and violent crossed K's face, but Ronan had already started walking again, staring down at his feet as he did. 

Adam tried not to think too much about the longing in Ronan’s face when he’d seen him sitting with his brother and friends. 

He tried to ignore the longing in his own chest. 

Blue squeezed his wrist. “You okay?”

He just nodded and she went back to talking to Gansey like he wanted. He felt like his skin was gone, and he was all nerve right now, stinging and painful. Watching Ronan warm up, seeing his long body stretch, and kick the ball back and forth between him and K, made him ache. 

When the first whistle blew, the crowd exploded in noise around him.

The game was fast and violent; history and competitiveness meant there were three yellow cards given out within the first fifteen minutes. The coaches stood on the sideline screaming at their players to _calm down and play the damn game_. Ronan got tackled twenty five minutes in and the crowd went insane, jeering and booing as K helped him to his feet. He whispered something in Ronan’s ear and suddenly they were fighting. Neither held anything back. They punched and scraped, shoving and punching.

It took six players to separate them. 

The referee shouted at them both and the crowd booed and whispered. Adam bit his lip, watching as Ronan wiped blood from his lip and nodded at his coach who had helped stop the fight. He watched when Ronan’s hands twitched but released their fists. Saw how his shoulders relaxed and he grinned at something his coach said to K. 

Adam watched, and he ached. 

He tapped Blue’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go. I thought I could do this but,” he shrugged. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” She glanced back at Gansey with a wistful expression but stood anyway. “Let’s go.”

He hugged her. “Stay. I’m fine, honestly. I’ll see you later.”

She kissed his cheek and smiled. “See ya later, nerd.”

“Kiss Gansey.”

She snorted. “Obviously.”

The disruption on the pitch had calmed down but Adam refused to look towards Ronan. He slowly made his way down the crowded steps, sliding around people with hot dogs and popcorn, children in school colors and students he recognised. He didn’t bother to say hi. Greenmantle was on the other side of the bleachers, watching him. Adam didn’t bother to return his sneering grin. Just ducked his head and kept forcing his way to freedom, to his apartment, his home. He’d freed himself. He’d be okay. A hush fell over the crowd but still he didn’t look up. He was so close to the exit. A hand grabbed his bicep. Adam looked up. Ronan stared at him, sweat shining in the stadium lights. 

“Ronan, what are you doing?”

He examined his face; eyes flitting between Adam's eyes, his lips, and back again. “Adam, I think I'm ready for it to rain.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Ronan leaned in and kissed him. It wasn’t like the kiss in the locker room. That had been chaste, rushed. This was luxurious. This had time. It was light rain on a summer day. It cooled the burning that raged over his skin and lit another burning somewhere in his chest. Adam reached up and ran his hands over the raw stubble on Ronan’s head. It puckered under his fingers and Ronan shivered. Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and pulled his closer. Somewhere far away he could hear the crowd, could hear the screams of the match, could hear someone calling Ronan’s name and someone calling his. He didn’t care; this right here was all he wanted. 

They were slow to pull away. 

“You’ve got a match to play.”

“Fuck the match. You wanna get out of here?”

Adam grinned.

***

Ronan sat across from Blue in Nino’s answering his questions. The snark between them would have seemed bitter to an outsider but Adam knew better. This was just how they communicated. Ronan’s arm rested across the back of the booth and his fingers played with the hair on the back on Adam’s neck. Shivers played across his skin. Gansey threw himself into the booth and Noah pulled up a seat.

“I’m in love with Henry Cheng,” he declared. 

“That’s good, man." Ronan smirked. "You gonna tell him?”

Noah shook his head. “I’m going to seduce him with heartfelt love notes. Worked for you.”

“Oh fuck you, they weren’t love notes.”

Persephone laughed quietly from where she was clearing a table across from them. “Yes, they were dear.” Her whispery voice still carried above the music. “It was very thoughtful and romantic.” 

Ronan blushed and buried his head in Adam’s neck. “Fucking save me, Parrish.”

“Nah." Adam kissed the top of his head and Ronan nuzzled into him. "It’s funny.”

“Fuck you.” He sneaked his hand around Adam’s waist. His fingers played with his hipbone, skin burning against Adam’s. “Be nice to me.”

Adam laughed and kissed the top of his head again. “Wanna come over to mine tonight?”

“Obviously.”

“Great. We can study.”

Ronan laughed. “Sir, yes sir,” he muttered. 

Since quitting the football team, he was on a strict study schedule to get his grades up. The only reason he was doing it was because Adam had encouraged him to apply for a small arts college in Boston and he’d gotten on. The college needed him to have an average of c grades and so Ronan and Adam studied most night to get his grades back up. 

They were going to live together when they got to Boston. 

Adam sometimes couldn’t believe this was his life. 

But as Ronan laughed beside him at something Blue said, Noah plotted with Gansey about how to make Henry Cheng fall in love with him, and Calla dropped over some bowls of fries, and Maura sang by the cash register, he realised that maybe the rain had come. 

Maybe it was time to live. Not just survive. 

He dropped his head on Ronan’s shoulder and let himself be happy.


End file.
